Woke up this morning at 3am, rushed in panic to the bog where my sphincter absolutely exploded. However, the contents of my stomach also exploded out of my mouth at the same time, covering my pants, tshirt, toilet floor, hallway carpet and walls with pre digested spaghetti bolognese.
Spent 45 fucking minutes clearing that shit up, only for me to projectile vomit again (in the toilet this time) whilst simultaneously filling my recently changed boxers up with shit.
This has been followed with me sitting on the bog, arse leaking like a boarding house tap, while I continue to heave up the lining of my stomach.
The norovirus truly is a cunt.
Nominated by Hello Shitty