Saturday, 26 November 2011


This Guest Post is by Dioclese, who won DeadPool2

Neighbours are cunts. No - not those Neighbours, my fucking neighbours!

Their dogs piss on my plants, they park their cars on the pavement in front of my door, try to steal my garden ornaments, drop oil on our drive and generally behave like a bunch of self-opinionated, egocentric fucking arseholes.

And they've all got big houses on 110% mortgages, flash cars on the never never, maxed out credit cards, and important jobs. Well, I'm glad the cunts are important at work because they're fuck all round here.

And when I complain, it's my fault their dogs have nowhere else to piss, my fault that they have to pay for the car park next door. It's always my fault whatever they do, the cunts. The other day one of the cunts came banging on my door because I complained he'd parked in front of my garage door and I couldn't get my car out. Apparently that was my fault because he couldn't find anywhere else to park! Then the cunt told me that all my neighbours hate me and I should fuck off and live somewhere else. Well, fuck him, the cunt! Fuck 'em all. I'll stay here and outlast the bastards.

But what really gets me about these cunts is that they all think I should care what they think of me, but they don't give a flying fucking fuck what I think of them because I don't fucking count. What a bunch of cunts! 

Nominated by Dioclese


  1. OLLIE BURTONS GRANDAD26 November 2011 at 10:36

    Fair Play, thats a good cunting. What a bunch of wankers.

  2. sandinista cool man yeah right-on baby26 November 2011 at 12:30

    Piss on their dogs..and cars. That'll be good revenge.

    Anyhow, The Clash are cunts.
    Yeah, right on, fucking rich boys playing radicals, with their designer punk clothes. I wish that open topped cadillac had crashed and a bus had run over their fucking greasy heads.
    The Cunts

  3. Outsourced Cunter26 November 2011 at 20:12

    Obviously you dont let your neighbours get to you, you cunt.

    And the music business is full of posh rich cunts prending to be radical.

  4. Have you ever thought of going for joint therapy Dioclese? Perhaps you just misunderstand each other.

  5. banned - I rather suspect that D understands his neighbours only too well... They need to understand (it seems to me) that unless they wish to be introduced to the business end of a shovel they could do better than to buck their bloody ideas up a bit.. ;)

  6. Poison their dogs. Mix rat poison with pedigree chum. No more piss. Job done.

  7. Hack them all to death in a crazed attack with a bloody big Axe; then blame society, say sorry and you will probably get a 12 month Community Service Order.

  8. Gary fucking Lineker is an incredibly annoying jug lugged smug Cunt. He even presents "Cunt of the Day" the twat.
    Thank Christ his shitty Crisp adverts have been fucked off our screens, Walkers Crisps? More like Wankers Crisps. Fucking Cunt.

  9. I feel better for getting this off my chest...

    ..well, I did. This morning the Waitrose van called to deliver me groceries. He pulled into the drive at the side of me house to turn round only to come face to face with my cunt of a neighbour turning in the other way. After an exchange of words during which the driver informed him she would quite happy to 'fuck off' if he would just move his car out of the way, he was forced to back up!

    Naturally, he couldn't resist banging on my door and havng a go at me. I was not in a witty mood so simply replied "For Christ sake just fuck off you stupid little man" and shut the door in his face.

    I love it when a plan comes together...

  10. I suggest you get a shotgun and poke the barrels out the letterbox as the fucker approaches your door.

  11. sticks and stones etc...but a baseball bat across the melon nips most neighbourly disputes in the bud.....arrymonk

  12. Striking Public Sector Workers are all greedy, lazy, bastard cunts, who don't realise what lucky cunts they are to have a job with a pension. Selfish cunts every one of them.

  13. Could you possibly have a crap on their doorstep? Under cover of darkness of course - oh, wait....they haven't got one of those automatic security lights, have they? The ones that come on when anyone that case just nip out in the early hours and lob a turd over the fence. If you could aim at their car that would be an added bonus. Bon chance, mon brave!!!!

    On a lighter note, I'd like to nominate that grinning cheesy faced twat Julie C Peasgood (aka Julie Cuntin' Peasgood) to be officially elevated to the state of cuntitude, purely on the grounds of her annoying beaming voice and ridiculous crescent eyes - STOP BEAMING, YOU CUNT!!!! thank you

  14. DIOCLESE, I have the same problem, but my neighbours are all cowardly bastards who can see shit happening all around,but won't speak up!unless it affects them directly then their running round the neighbourhood trying to get a petition together and then dragging the whole lot into their problem !!! but if you have a problem they hide behind their doors and won't come out !!! fucking cowardlt lot of two faced bastards !!!!!

  15. From HurlingDervish

    My missus is a sad cunt, she watches that jungle celebrity shite on ITV. I had to fuckin' laugh though, and nominate those two geordie cunts PJ and Spunken, or Ant and 'fuck me someone's put the Mekon on telly, lightbulb, Swan Vesta headed cunt' Dec.
    That fucking prick Dec or whatever his name is has surely escaped from a Hermann Munster convention plus, it's blessed with a truly Tefal proportioned fucking cranium, someone give him his own hover chair for fucks sake so the cunt can go round chasing Dan Dare!!!!!

  16. I would like to nominate alicia dixon, as she dosent know, what the fuck she is talking about and is a gobshite jobsworth massive bleeding, gaping, gunge infested fucking gloryhole of a cunt, cunt, cunty, cunt cunt cunt!

  17. From HurlingDervish

    I would put the boot into that useless cunt Gary Barlow, but his fuckin' simian mate Robbie 'I'm a David Dickinson real deal sized cunt' Willams should really take the dog shit dipped biscuit just for being a wanky, smelly looking, ugly, fucking massive gobbed cunt of a prince cunt amongst cunts. Waazaaaa!

  18. stressed to fkn haemorrhage point4 December 2011 at 23:42

    I can't believe nobody's nominated that Gloria Hunniford woman (Gloria Hunniford). Why, she's an overly coiffed, gruff voiced, parsnip legged, inexplicably besequinned on a daily basis, QUNT of a man-woman. For feck's sake, woman, relax your fucking hair, dress more casually sometimes (Dennis fucking Basso doesn't fucking need your fucking cunting endorsement 24/7) fuck me blind.......(deep, even breaths) fuck off.......

  19. From HurlingDervish.

    A bit harsh on old Gloria. What's she ever done except present holiday programmes? dunno about that one...

    Anyway, I had the missfortune to tune into that fat right wing arse licking, murdoch worshiping breakfast LBC radio presenting cunt Nick 'geezer, man of the people' Farrari this morning.
    Surely this cunt speaks for all the cunt wafting black cab drivers with his pearls of pure racism and sexism, whilst all the time sucking up to Cameron and his oily fuckin' cronies.
    I have honestly never listened to such a control freakery type fat, enormous Pillsbury dough boy of a 'can't climb more than two sets of stairs without heart palpitations' type fat prick in all my days.
    Ferrari you have cuntishness ingrained in you like the grain in a plank of wood you thoroughbred fatcunt.

  20. From HurlingDervish

    ...Oh, and I forgot that he's a mate of that himalayan Daily Mail loving cunt Calvin McKenzie.
    Another fuckin' murdoch zombie.
    I would like to insert a small thermo nuclear device up his anal cavity by delivery off the end of my steel toecapped boot.

  21. The Welsh are all cunts. The fucking lot of them. They sell you a cottage, take your money to renovate it, then burn it down and charge you to rebuild it.

    And when you criticise them, they winge on and on and on, taking no fucking notice of what you are saying and accuse you of being a bigot. The bastards hate everyone but themselves.

    And have you noticed that when you go into a welsh pub, they all stop talking English and revert to Welsh! Fucking ignorant cunts!

    No wonder a sheep tied to a lamp post passes for a leisure centre in Cardiff. Inbred, ignorant, xenophobic, self-opinionated cunts the lot of them!

    And the cunts can't sing either.

  22. From HurlingDervish

    .....your Euro MP, apparently there are fucking 7, yes 7 for my area. Are all a bunch of freeloading fucking raking it in off our wages, fucking sly hiding in the shadows on 150 grand a fucking year plus pensions and massive fucking perks including a cocaine expense account.
    My god, what the fuck is going on?????
    These cunts are the maggots in the rotten apple! the cunts aren't elected by me for fucks sake.
    What happened there? I feel sick....
    Surely that whole Euro parliament is a fucking rotten nest of cunitng cunt fucking fuckers.
    Dirty cunts!

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